Observations
by TDM9218
Summary: Just my take on what Micah Barnes is thinking when he looks at Emily. Starts with episode one.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

**I don't own anything related to Emily Owens M.D. Although I do wish that we had gotten to see more of their work. **

**This little story idea came to me this morning. I'm hoping to watch all the episodes again and come up with one of these for each, but we will see how it goes. As always, please read and review. **

To be a doctor you have to be a lot of things. In fact that's always a major part of applying to medical school. Your advisors always make you soul search for the personal attributes that you believe will make you a good physician. Then they make you dig down to the roots of them. And to a degree it is a gut wrenchingly difficult process.

Micah knew that one of the reasons he made a good physician was that he was observant. He always had been. He had been the quiet kid on the playground that watched what everyone else did before he made any move. In fact, some of his developmental milestones (like walking and talking) had been delayed because of that. His mother was always teasing him about what a perfectionist he was. But he preferred observant.

And that's why today on rounds with the new intern class, Micah noticed that Dr. Owens wasn't breathing. She was so scared she was literally holding her breath. He remembered his first encounter with the great Dr. Bandari. She had scared him too. She was not nice. And for an intern just beginning his/her career she had A LOT of demands. In fact, she was so demanding that at first it didn't seem like you would ever be able to do this. He had thought about leaving that first night. And usually someone left. Five years of surgery training was grueling. But none of these interns were leaving now. Not today and not under his watch. That's why he kindly reminded Dr. Owens that she had one more thing she had to do: breathe.

He spent the rest of the day finding little things for her to do for him. Things that wouldn't necessarily complicate her day, but things that would allow him the opportunity for continued observation. He needed to make sure that she was okay. He wanted her to relax and keep breathing, especially today. He really was perfectly capable of picking up his own labs, in fact he did it most days, and he wasn't asking any of the other interns to do it for him. Just Dr. Owens, today he was checking up on Dr. Owens' vital signs.

Later, when he got to operate solo on one of the patients Dr. Owens had been working on, she insisted upon standing outside the OR suite door. She was so concerned about her patients and invested in their lives. Micah could guess that the top trait on Dr. Owens' list of why she would be a good physician was empathy or compassion - the ability to place yourself in someone else's shoes and understand what they were going through and the desire to help them. That's why he looked at her and nodded once he knew he was out of the woods. He knew she wanted to be able to comfort the man's wife, and he knew that she would be good at it.

But then when he swung by the floor Dr. Owens was working on to do another routine follow-up, she was missing. He knew the nurses would know where she was; they always seemed to know everything. After five years in the hospital, he had begun to recognize them as a wonderful resource. The charge nurse indicated that Dr. Owens was in the north stair well. She unceremoniously added that half the contents of the vending machine were with her. _Had she skipped lunch?_ – he wondered. She would need to be broken of that habit if she was going to continue down this career path. Long hours standing in surgery did not work if one was skipping meals.

As he turned into the stair well, he realized this was much more serious than skipping lunch once. Dr. Owens was hurting and probably questioning if she belonged here. But Micah knew she did; he could see it in her eyes when she looked at patients. Heck, she started her very first case presentation by talking to the patient not her attending. That was unheard of. She was very empathetic and that is what makes a good doctor. That was something Micah had learned. Five years of grueling surgery training had managed to make him care more. That's what made him ask her what was wrong.

She rambled on and on about various ways her day had gone wrong. He got lost in the description – something about balvery gone wrong. But the main thing was she needed to be reminded of why she was here. Doctors who possess so much natural empathy work for their patients and not for themselves. Dr. Owens needed to get up and SEE her patients' versions of bad days.

So Micah got her up. Walked her around the floor, stood in common areas and briefly described the bad things happening in other people's lives, and ultimately made her see that she was not having the worst of days. He doesn't know what made him use his mother's case as one of these examples, but he did. He hasn't told anyone yet, so maybe he just needed to say it aloud to someone before he has to go break the news to her. Or maybe, he just wanted Dr. Owens to see him the way he saw her.

He took the last remaining ring dings from her, and yes, he knew that there were two packages. He was after all observant. And he smiled as she walked away, because she was going to be just fine.

At the end of the day, she even managed to worm her way into an OR with Dr. Bandari. And he heard that she did great. As she is walking out, he can't resist the opportunity to remind her that she didn't actually have a bad day. After all, she was in the OR on her first day, which is unheard of. She smiles; she knows. She asks if he is leaving, and she has no idea how badly he wants to walk out of the hospital with her. He would love to have no ties to this place of suffering and death after work, but his mother (known to Dr. Owens as the patient in room 501) needs him to be her doctor. So he says he has to stay. Dr. Owens doesn't notice the emotion behind the words or question why, she merely nods and turns away. But Micah knows that years of working here will make her more observant.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

**Still not mine, unfortunately. But I still love readers and their reviews!**

Micah knew when Dr. Owens got assigned this case that it would be a difficult one for her. She was simply too compassionate. This man should have had a longer life ahead of him, should be around to watch his grandson graduate college, get married, and have children. But the sad reality was his heart was failing, and he simply wasn't strong enough for the operation to fix it. Dr. Bandari was trying to toughen Dr. Owens up; she thought Dr. Owens got too personally involved in her patients' lives. So she had Dr. Owens give the prognosis on rounds. She stuttered her way through it, desperately trying to find a silver lining in it all that just wasn't there. The man had 6 months to a year of life left, and that was life that he would not be able to live to the fullest. He would constantly have to be mindful of his heart. Speaking of hearts, Micah could see that Dr. Owens' was breaking, just a little. At the door Dr. Bandari stopped to tell Dr. Owens not to be so sad. It was an order from someone who wasn't at all compassionate, and he couldn't help but think that maybe that hurt her worse. So on his way out of the room, he stopped. He told her the thing that comforted him the most in difficult times, "It gets easier." He delivered his advice with a soft smile. She needed it he thought. She nodded and pulled herself together.

Later, he finds himself in his mother's room spending what little time he can with her. He can't stop thinking about how little time they have left. He was honest about her prognosis yesterday evening when he was talking to Dr. Owens, but he can't be now. He has to fight, has to make her think that she can fight. That's when he sees her, Dr. Owens. She is standing at the door watching him, well them actually, and she isn't just walking in. He can tell she needs something, so he tells his mother that he'll be back later. He could use some time too. She surprises him with the news that the cardiac patient has decided to proceed with a cardiac catheterization, in order to fight for a chance to live longer. What doesn't surprise him is that the man's insurance is refusing to pay. He hates insurance companies, more now that he has to deal with his mother's. He can't do this, not now. He just doesn't feel like there is enough time in the day for him to walk an intern through dealing with insurance companies. But if he is really being honest with himself it has nothing to do with that. He just can't talk to anyone about the odds of any given patient dying; it's hitting too close to home. So he orders Emily to deal with it, to find a way to make it happen on her own. Then he storms off. And yes, he knows that was a little too forceful. She is, after all, having a bad day too. And she really didn't deserve that, nor does she have any idea where it came from.

He finds out that she managed to get the procedure approved. That was honestly a lot faster than he was expecting from a brand new intern. It took him a lot longer to learn how to navigate the obstacle course of third party payers. He congratulates her for figuring it out; she really is learning quickly. And he takes the opportunity to apologize for snapping at her earlier. He blames it on "personal stuff" and tells her that nevertheless it shouldn't have happened.

Later, as he is filling out a chart at the nurses' station the nurses warn him that Dr. Owens has a crush on him. He feigns disgust with the amount of gossip and rumors that this place can generate and how quickly the staff can spread it. While internally he is thankful for the gossip for the first time ever. This is quite possibly the best news they've ever shared.

He is taking a little break in the lounge when she walks in. She hesitates for a minute, but then jumps into congratulating him for the cath going well. He is guardedly optimistic – the next 24 hours are critical. He apologizes again for snapping at her earlier. He just didn't think that not giving her the full explanation did it justice. She tries to stop him, but he realizes that he just needs to get it all out. Someone needs to know, and honestly everyone will soon enough. So out of the blue he tells her. His mom is the patient in room 501, but against all odds he really does believe that she is going to beat this thing. It happens all the time, why can't it be her? Then in the middle of the deepest most personal conversation he's had in a long time, Dr. Kopleson buts in. She makes some snarky comment about leaving them alone so they can "talk". He finds himself flashing back to junior high, and looks quizzically at Dr. Owens. Then he remembers the nurse's warning and smiles. She likes him. She blushes, but says she should explain. Then she launches into a story about confessing her love for Dr. Collins, her medical school best friend, and how he shot her down. Well that man must be stupid is all he can think, even if he is pretty disappointed that she isn't confessing her crush on him. He teases her, saying that he'll just have to spread a rumor about how he shot her down. She says she is used to it, and he sadly thinks that she is. She shouldn't be; she really shouldn't be.

As he is sitting with his mom before her first chemotherapy appointment, his pager goes off. The damn thing has the worst timing. It's the cardiac patient; his stents have clotted and now he needs open heart surgery. He is determined to ignore it. But his mom urges him to go. She plays on his guilt complex by bringing up what he would want her physicians to do. So he goes.

In the OR, Dr. Bandari is in a lighter mood. She is teasing him about surviving intern year, which he is all too aware that she made very difficult. She has to go and bring up the stutter he developed out of terror. But all of that is gone now. They are less than a year away from being full colleagues, and he has gotten to know her better over the years. Once you know her, she really isn't that bad. Emily is standing at the door watching the whole thing, and he knows without having to look at her that she is crushed inside when the patient crashes on the table.

It's been a long, long day, and all he wants is to get back to his mother, where he feels he should have been all along. So, as soon as he can he heads that way. But what he sees when he comes around the corner is totally unexpected. Dr. Owens is sitting next to his mother reading girly magazines. They seem to be getting along rather well. He smiles at that. However, he is concerned about her. "You just got off a 24 hour shift. You should be home sleeping." She smiles, "I wasn't tired, and I had better things to do." He knows that she was there only because he couldn't be. She just cares so damn much. It's unbelievable really.

He watches her go, clearly full of admiration for the young physician. "She's cute." His mother's comment breaks him out of his reverie. "I hadn't noticed." "Really?" she seems surprised. His mother knows him all too well, and she can be quite relentless. In an effort to change the subject he starts to talk about her disease. "You're going to make me talk about cancer instead?" she asks incredulous. He admits that he thinks Emily is cute. And his mother launches into one of her games of 20 questions, which she does for every woman he is interested in.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

**Still don't own Emily Owens M.D.**

Micah gets called to assist on Emily's seizure patient. As her resident he does the evaluation of the young girl while she scribes for him. He loves getting to start his day this way.

After witnessing Dr. Bandari reject Dr. Owen's offer of starting over, he feels like he should be helping her out. "Don't worry. She always picks on one of the interns. My first year was brutal." Emily seems comforted by being lumped into the same category as him, even if it did mean that this year would be torture. But in the spirit of their usual joking, he tells her that it was actually Rockelle that she hated and teases that the poor girl is now in the pysch ward, as a patient. That at least makes the poor intern laugh. She always takes things so seriously, he thinks as he walks away. As if on cue, she comes running after him to ensure that he was indeed kidding. Dr. Kelly Hamata shows up and teasingly calls him their very own Patch Adams. He pretends not to know who Patch Adams is. While they discuss their pregnant patient, Dr. Owens watches Dr. Hamata like a hawk. Dr. Hamata ends the encounter by saying that she looks forward to talking to him again. Interesting, he thinks. But she did call him Patch; that was a deal breaker. He turns to Dr. Owens determined to convince her that he really isn't anything like Patch Adams. Dr. Owens smiles knowingly and says, "I think she has a crush on you." He is taken aback. He isn't sure that he likes that she saw that. He reminds her not to take Dr. Bandari too seriously. Then as he walks away, she calls him Patch. He kind of likes the sound of that, from her. But he teasingly has order her to stop. She even takes that too seriously, he can tell.

After the girl has a bad reaction during the epilepsy test, Micah comes down to walk Dr. Dupre through a lumbar puncture. Dr. Owens stands facing the patient and manages to distract her from the procedure. She is asking her all kinds of questions about her gymnastics. He watches her. She is so good at this, and she cares so much. Micah launches into the questions about the girl's contacts.

When their patient develops a rash, Micah has to order Dr. Owens and Dr. Dupre to biopsy the lesions.

After the girl starts having difficulty breathing, Micah comes in to explain the diagnosis – Histoplasmosis. He looks at Dr. Dupre and Dr. Owens thankful that that they thought to run the test for the fungus, or they would still be playing the guessing game. He smiles at them. When he says that it is treatable, Dr. Owens starts to stare at her feet. She has such an expressive face, and she is completely incapable of keeping anything held back. At the request of the girl, Dr. Owens explains that a potential side effect of the high dose of anti-fungals is loss of balance. He reassures the father and daughter that this is the only way to treat the daughter's disease.

He congratulates her on a job well done. She thanks him and bashfully looks over her shoulder, where she spies Dr. Kelly Hamata staring at them. She comments that her flirting has turned to stalking, but he informs her that the other resident is waiting for him. He manned up and asked her out, mainly because Dr. Owens suggested that Kelly might be interested. But Dr. Owens doesn't need to know that. She is embarrassed. He teases her, "We only just met. You didn't think you knew everything about me did you?" She stumbles over her answer, so he spares her. "Kidding." She tells him to have a great time. He walks off to meet his date, but finds himself pausing to turn around and look at her. He has so much that he could say, but in the end decides that the best thing is for him to leave and enjoy his date. He needs to get his mind off this infuriatingly charming blonde intern.


End file.
